All Women are Neurotic: This is my story (Final Chapter)

Training for: Springtime Tallahassee 5K; Freedom Hills Sprint Triathlon

 

Cardio:

Weights:

Calories Burned: 

 

Food: Breakfast - Quaker Weight Control Banana Bread Oatmeal - 160

         Lunch - Chicken Salad Sandwich (with Craisins!) - 338

         Snack - yogurt - 60; snack bar - 100

         Dinner - ??  Maybe leftover lasagna?

Total Food: 658+dinner

 

Self-Confidence: 9

 

Ok - so, you've made it through the boring stuff, none of which actually told you what makes me crazy.  But, the background is important, it will help you understand "why" I'm crazy. 

 

So, in summary - here are 6 things that I obsess about when it comes to nutrition, fitness, diet, and weight loss:

 

1.  I weigh myself daily.  Twice, daily.  I weigh myself in the mornings, naked, after I emptied my bladder - I do this on purpose because I KNOW that this will be the lightest I will be all day.  Then, after I work out, I weigh myself again.  This is to determine whether or not I made progress during the day.  I figure, if I'm within 1/2lb of what I was that morning, I'm doing good.

 

2.  I get really irritated when people plan fun stuff during my "workout time" - this includes after work happy hours.  In CO - my neurotic coworkers would always schedule our happy hours around our workouts.  We didn't meet up until 7pm.  This was perfect, and a mutual agreement.  However, I don't have many fitness freak friends down here (if any) so most of the time, I blow off my workout for a few cocktails and just deal with being pissed at myself later.  One of the many reasons why I haven't maintained my "Pre-Florida Weight."

 

3.  I'll be honest.  It annoys me to see overweight or obese people eating fast food or any other unhealthy food.  I scream inside "DON'T THEY KNOW THAT THEY'RE KILLING THEMSELVES?"  The even more ironic thing is, I don't normally see that unless I'm in a fast food restaurant myself.  Hello, hypocrite??  And, I actually HATE when I have to eat fast food.  Even though, I relish every second of it.  Thus is the dichotomy of Jessica.

 

4.  Even if I do reach a goal - I feel like I am still the same, and thus am compelled take the goal just one-step further.   For instance, when my goal was (and currently is again) to be 135lbs - and I reach, 135lbs (or 136), I look at myself and say, "Well, it says that's what I am, but, I think maybe I should shoot for 125lbs.  Might help my mid-section a little more."  Or, if I want to be a size 6, and I reach a size 6, I say "Why stop now, I'm going to shoot for a size 4."  I think this is the perfectionist coming out in me - I'm never really 100% happy with where I am, and always think I should do just a little more.  I would probably do this until I withered away into nothingness - if my body would let me.  I'm pretty sure I max out at 136/size 6.  

 

5.  I said I went off BC because it was healthier for my system.  Secretly, I am ecstatic because I really really really hope that being off hormones will allow pounds to melt off of me like how cheese slips off overly cheesy pizza.  Sure, not getting migraines, and having regular cycles will be great.  But, really, getting rid of the extra weight its forced me to have would be worth the trouble.  Realistically, I doubt I will see any change.  But, I can still hope!!

 

6.  I am a secret binge eater.  My worst time to binge is in between getting home from the gym and dinner.  I usually get a whole 2 hours to myself, and I almost always come home from the gym ravishing.  And, no one but the cats are there to witness my weakness.  Some days I'm good and limit myself to a slice or two of Steve's lunchmeat.  Other days, I devour boxes of cheese nips and thin mints.  I often exclude these from my daily calorie totals to make myself feel better. 

 

 

I'm going to guess, that there are probably more if I dig around my brain long enough - but I think this sums everything up for now.  The moral of this story is, its ok to be crazy and neurotic (you're not the only one) - just do so in moderation, and accept the fact that you are indeed, crazy and neurotic.