All Women are Neurotic: This is my story (Part 1)

Training for: Springtime Tallahassee 5K; Freedom Hills Sprint Triathlon

 

Cardio: 2 miles walking (breaks) - 166

Maybe 20min on the bike at the gym after lifting

Weights: Legs & Abs

Calories Burned: 166+biking

 

Food: Breakfast - Quaker Weight Control Banana Bread Oatmeal - 160

         Lunch - South Beach Diet wrap kit - 230

         Snack - yogurt - 60; snack bar - 100

         Dinner - Falafel tonight for sure - last night we did frozen pizza (too lazy to cook)

Total Food: 550 +dinner

 

Self-Confidence: 9

 

 

Confession:  I had this post 95% completed.  Then, realized I hated the topic, scrapped it, and am now starting over. 

 

Have I mentioned I'm a perfectionist? 

 

This applies to all aspects in life - including my health & fitness.

 

I am not sure if my neurosis started the day I stepped on the scale and discovered I weighed 170lbs, or, if it occured subconsciously back in elementary school where I was called "High-Pants" because I (supposedly) wore my pants really high. 

 

I have a short waist, and long legs.  I have learned to deal with this, and attempt to find clothes that fit, yet mask this condition of mine.  This means shopping online for pants (most stores in Tallahassee do not carry 'long' length pants, and, the ones that do aren't long enough.  I need a 34-36" inseam.  If I want to wear heels, I usually need to go 36").

 

I am only 5'7".  I say only, because, I am also obsessed with my height.  I realize I am an above average height for women, but, I also feel sad and insignificant when I meet or see someone taller than me.  Then, I miss elementary school - where, I was the girl that got to be at the front of the line because I was tall.  Only one other girl I remember was taller than me.  Jennifer Dietrich.  She only had me by an inch at the most.

 

Therefore, I almost always wear heels when I go out, needing my 36" inseam pants.  This, paired with long tops so that they go down past my hips, thus masking my short waist.

 

Perhaps this all started in elementary school afterall, where, I once remember we did an exercise where we had to write down what meant the most to us in the whole world.  Then, we drew out random cards with everyone's info on them, and had to guess who we thought wrote them.  I wrote down "Fitting in."

 

Lisa Kress drew my card.  She was the epitomy of cool in my book.  So much so, I wanted to be her.  I tried to get my hair cut like hers once, and it ended up a disaster.  She had a bob, with long layers.  I went in asking for a layered cut, chin length, and, ended up with short short hair, short layers, and nothing bob-like whatsoever. 

 

Lisa Kress correctly guessed that I had written this.  Then it was my turn to draw a card.  The card I read said "My family" - as did, 90% of the entire class's cards.  What an idiot I was.  I should have known, that, my family would be the most important.  I had failed at fitting in, which, was the most important thing to me.

 

Or, maybe it really did start when I stepped on the scale and it read 170lbs.  Good God!  What had happened.  I never paid much attention to my weight until after college.  I was a swimmer afterall.  I needed to eat more than the average person.  My freshman year I lost weight instead of gaining the typical Freshman 15.  I also had practice 20 hours a week.  And believe me, they did not let you dilly dally.  Especially in the weight room.

 

I didn't swim for CSU after my freshman year, but, I did however, continue to swim and workout.   I even took swimming as a class for credit (kind of a cop out on my part, but, hey, it was easy).  I also took aerobics.  I was being graded on showing up and working out.  But after college, this consistency didn't really exist. 

 

Now I had to pay if I wanted to workout.  Fat chance coming from someone that made $8/hour doing data entry.  I didn't even own a car until I was 23.  How would I even get to the gym?

 

I didn't really start taking exercise seriously until I met Steve.  I was working down in Loveland at Group Publishing.  Steve and company hung out with a lot of (what I considered) really attractive women.  Many of them were also younger than me, so, that already put me at a disadvantage.  The majority of them were also skinnier than me.   Not to mention, around the time I started dating Steve, I went to a family reunion out in South Dakota.  I saw pictures of myself from this event and was completely astonished at how gigantic I looked.  I decided something had to be done.

 

Luckily for me, Group Publishing was located in an area condusive to walking.  There was this great neighborhood, Namaqua Hills, right behind the building that many people walked during their lunch breaks.  So, I started doing 30min walks on a daily basis on my lunch breaks.  At times, I would even incorporate squats and lunges into my walking routine.

I also became completely obsessive about what I ate.  It was the first time I EVER paid attention to how many calories I was consuming.  Let me tell you.  It sucked.  I hated restricting my food.  But, I was determined.  My BFF and I would email each other our daily caloric intake and give each other advice.  I managed to get down to the 150s.  She too, was working hard to lose weight.  Granted we had different goals, but, at the time, I think we were both seeing success. 

 

Please come back tomorrow for part 2.